The Real Face of My Chemo....

Hi, Everybody,

It's really hard for me to post this photo today, but I want to. To me this is the real face of my chemo treatment. It is not pretty. Scant hair on head, no eyelashes, scant eye brows, puffy face, lines. I wanted to show you the real me today. I remember when my dad had cancer. One day he walked into the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He did the funniest thing - he rolled his eyes really dramatically and smiled wide...he just knew how crazy/awful he looked, and so do I.

This is me

This is me on make-up

Chemo 6 was a killer (well not quite, but it was pretty difficult) and I have many thoughts to impart...number one - it's taking its toll on my spirit. I can't believe I have two more of these to go. Chemo #6 was the hardest yet. It caused me to be: very, very tired to where I couldn't get my head off the pillow for two days, semi-achy and flu-like in body, short of breath, tasting a "weird" taste in mouth and, gaining a bit of weight...(tight pants and all that fun stuff.) Plus half of my fingernails are yellow, grotty, and look like they might just fall off.

But the biggest thing this chemo has done is to cause me to feel more anxiety. Each time I go to the hospital again and see what cancer can do to people, I get scared. It is very hard to see the people who are doing very badly and know that I am in their club. It's very scary, as well, to know that this could kill me, if I don't fight it very, very hard. I totally get now what they mean when they say "The treatment is so hard some people drop out of it..." or "The treatment is as bad as the disease itself..." or "Annie, please promise me you'll do all your treatments and don't skip any." I can see why people would want to skip some or stop treatments and surrender. It is draining and life-consuming on many levels.

 

However I will press on...with my great God at my side with each breath I take!

 

"He gives power to the weak
and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint."
 

Isaiah 40:29-31

And I will remember that I am not that bad off compared to millions of others. Okay so I look like crap. Whatever.

 

Love to All, Annie

PS Next chemo #7 (of 8) is Wed. January 15 - 10:30 a.m. We're getting there, team!