I'm feeling emotionally drained lately. "It" is constantly on my mind, worrying me...I'm really not a worrier by nature...I am very optimistic! In fact, as many of you know, the exclamation mark is my favorite punctuation mark! I definitely overuse that guy! But lately I wonder, "If cancer can be one place in me, then it could potentially be in another part of me..." Let's face it, I'm not getting any younger. Time takes its toll on anybody. (Though happily I report, when I talked to Dr. Morgan, the surgeon, the other day he did keep referring to me as "young" so that kind of made my day!) As an aside, Dr. Morgan told me "There's something going on..." with women under 50 getting breast cancer. I don't know what that something is but I'm guessing the docs are on that one. Still I wonder if there are cancer cells anywhere else in me...especially since I take after my dad and he had melanoma, prostate cancer, and lymphoma....
Anyway, I need to keep reminding myself, that there are people out there MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH MUCH WORSE off than me. I am so INCREDIBLY blessed, in so many ways, and I need to keep focusing on that! THANK YOU GOD for the millions of blessings I see and for the ones I do not see! Psalm 46:1 says, "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." To have been given the gift of faith to believe that verse is in itself an enormous blessing.
I also need to focus on helping and serving others...working at school keeps me going...knowing that I will soon meet a new group of little kindergarten kids to spend the next ten months with fills me with joy (and sometimes fear - HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Annie- there is something about you that I noticed when I first met you. You are a survivor, and God knows that. We will be praying for you.
ReplyDeleteLove Cathy and Rich
I promise you, this phase will pass Annie. I'm optimistic by nature, too, but for the first few weeks after my diagnosis, it was ever-present. Despite my best efforts, it would fill every quiet moment -- the first thing that popped into mind before I'd even open my eyes in the morning, and the last thing I'd think about while trying to fall asleep at night. That was tiring. But the good news is that is DOES pass! I found that focusing on the blessings in my life -- and the love of family and friends -- put that chapter to rest. (Pondering a slew of kindergarten kids who'd soon be in my care would have probably done it in half the time. The sheer adrenaline. . .! lol) Judy
ReplyDeleteHi Annie! Thank you so much for keeping us all posted on your blog. I'm sure it's a help to you as well, to document...I have been bringing you to my church for prayer, and I just wanted you to know we are all praying for you. May the LORD be your strength in a new and mighty way at this time. May this crisis bring you so much closer to your awesome and loving God. May you feel His everlasting arms! May He bring you through safely to the other side of this! lots of love,
ReplyDeletesusan piper
Annie, aside from everything else I am so impressed with your writing. I remember how annoyingly smart you were in all of our lit classes at CHC :-) Hasn't diminished. Watching you go through this... you are my shining star. Love you!!! Liz F.
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