It's been a somewhat blurry week. I'm feeling pretty good today. I wasn't in too much pain post-op, mostly just on Wed. and Thursday. But on Thursday I pulled a muscle in my neck, shoulder, and arm (right side) I think because of the position I was in during the operation...or I just slept on it the wrong way. I was NOT a happy camper! It's a little better today. A friend gave me a neck, shoulder and arm massage last night and that helped a lot. Even taking Dilauded and Flexeril and Ben Gay and a heating pad and ice didn't cut it! CRAZY Right?
My spirits are a little bit on the blue side today...the stress of the cancer is getting to me just a tiny bit. I feel like I'll always be worrying about it coming back - or it being in my body even now (that's why I will be getting the chemo/radiation, to kill off any runaway cancer cells that night have hitch-hiked to other parts of my body) but this is basically for the rest of my life. It's sort of an underlying dark place I don't often go to and don't enjoy going to and SHOULDN'T go to. I need to remember at all times that the Lord is in control of this whole situation and that it is my CHOICE to either focus on Him or on the circumstance I am in....."For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light." Ephesians 5:8
So today I will focus on the light! It is a beautiful fall day in Point Pleasant, PA. It is sunny and warm. The windows are open wide, the air is fresh, I have a great family, so many friends, electricity, running water, food, clothes...I want for nothing. I need to remember those much less fortunate than myself and help them...
Love, Annie
Annie, it's so true - we CHOOSE to trust God no matter how desperate the circumstances. This is where our faith (the rubber) meets the challenge (the road).
ReplyDeleteYou continue to bring honor to God. May his grace, healing and strength sustain and encourage you. xo
Thank you Anne for sharing this experience with me and your loved ones. It's such a blessing to go through this with you. (Yikes, no spell check) I.m so proud of you for choosing to think good thoughts/Godly thoughts. It's wonderful to have His word to savor. I'm proud of you for being so brave. I love you XOXO Aunt Sue
ReplyDeleteHey Annie! Jeff read your blog and he said you are halarious, and awesome and he loves you!
ReplyDeleteHope you are feeling better today, Miss Annie! The weather is still gorgeous, the leaves are turning beautiful colors, Eli is a blessing to you, and Chip is your main man. Lots to cheer you up. Hugs, Pat
ReplyDeleteAnnie - it sounds like you are doing stupendously actually. It's tough, what you're going through. But you're doing it extremely well. Sending you lots of hugs and healthy thoughts. Two dear friends went through this last year, very similarly to you, and both are happy and healthy, as you will be. Having to 'pay attention' the rest of your life is not a bad thing. It just might be a blessing in disguise. Love you and holding your full recovery in my heart. xo Cecile
ReplyDeleteAnnnnie!
ReplyDeleteSending you positive energy and love! Keep the faith. <3 Lori
dear annie. thank you for sharing your journey. what hits me most is your sentence "It's sort of an underlying dark place I don't often go to and don't enjoy going to and SHOULDN'T go to." a dark place .... I have one too..... this is when I need Mary and her son, Jesus, the most. ..... but when i go deep into this place I forget the light and love of Mary and Jesus..... I forget and feel I am alone ...... I am not alone when I am there..... and the beauty of the process of moving from light into dark and then back into light is the spiritual growth and trust that builds...... this is the place where I grow the most and find an even deeper faith when I remember to listen and feel the Holy Spirit..... then slowly I become moved back into the light......I have slowly learned to embrace the dark place as a process that I must go through as it will happen..... it is a place where I know I will find deeper faith..... it is my process of carrying my inner cross...... (depression. fear. centered in self. this is what happens to me in the fear and the dark place.)....... then slowly I feel the reminder of the light..... of peace..... and am learning to find peace both in the light and in the dark...... as I am not alone ever..... My Lord, Jesus Christ, his blessed Mother, The Holy Spirit, and my guardian angel are all there...... holding me up.....until i slowly remember to turn to them in prayer and trust. I read your later blod to this..... thank you sharing..... it is nice that through other sisters in faith I find that I am not so different with my dark place...... I no longer judge or say I should not go to..... as I know it is a process of love..... it is all love...... prayers for you continue..... sincerely. me.
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